The First Dinner

I have to admit to something. As much as I tried to fight off the temptation, things just got too difficult for me to process. I felt myself slipping into the abyss, and after a while I just let go. For the better part of April and May, I had taken up residence in that space between caring too much and too little. Ambivalence became a panacea of sorts. I stopped caring about issues I had once concerned myself with and I convinced myself that I was making a good decision; that caring too much took my focus off what was important in life. Interestingly enough, withdrawing from media and political thought did not increase my involvement in those things that I held as important- community, family, and relationships in general.

I had scheduled the first Food For Thought dinner long ago. As the date approached I felt similarly ambivalent about the gathering. I looked forward to seeing the people and eating the food, but I was a bit hesitant about the conversation part of things. After all, I was tired and burned out. I had succumbed to this hopeless feeling that people don't really care, depth of conversation no longer exists unless you share ideology; and I wasn't even sure why I was doing this.

Doubt plagued me in ways I wasn't even conscious of... until now.


Meal
I lived in Shanghai China for close to 5 years. When my husband and I were initially contemplating the move I remember telling him that while I was willing to consider living there; I couldn't fathom having to eat Chinese food for any length of time. I had absolutely no idea how diverse, flavorful and amazing real Chinese food was; as my only exposure to the cuisine was through the rather bland and congealed imitation we commonly find in Chinese take out joints. As a foodie, I was quickly and easily seduced by the food of this strange new land. I have come to love and appreciate the perfectly balanced flavors of sweet, salt, and spice. It's only when I tuck into a Chinese meal that I feel truly home again. The food captured my imagination, my love and my loyalty. So what better way to kick off the first dinner party than with some of my favorite dishes.

I prepared a popular cold dish from Sichuan province simply known as "spicy cold noodles with chicken slivers". The name doesn't begin to capture the intensity and flavor of the dish. Garlic infused soy sauce, chili oil and sesame paste mingle with the tingling spice of the sichuan peppercorn. It's amazing; a true delight on the palate. This dish makes me want to be a better person.

For the main meal- I made traditional boiled pork dumplings. Dumplings are the comfort food of China. Every region has it's own style and every mama has her own way of making them. I've never had a bad one, and this recipe was from my ayi who would cook them for us weekly while we lived in Shanghai.


Cast
I put the initial casting call out on Facebook and decided to go with the first 6 people who responded. In total there were 6 of us. The first two people were a man and woman who own a store in Detroit. The next two were Detroiters; a man and a woman who live in the city, invest in the city and have a great desire to see Detroit rebuild. Then there was myself- a stay at home mom/ blogger, and my husband- an engineer.(The two others who were scheduled to join could not make it at the last minute, so we sadly had to absorb their portions.)


Topic
I decided to let this first dinner go without a firm topic. I wasn't sure how or if I would moderate and I really wanted to see how things would flow with minimal intervention. There was one main question; and beyond that- I let my guests set the tone for the evening.

The crux of my question (as it was so long ago I don't fully remember) was: "what prevents people from being able to converse in ways that are respectful- even when disagreeing"? The evenings discussion was quite interesting. While I had hoped in my own way for people to share insights about real tangible causes and therefore easy "cures"; I came away from that evening with an even greater realization.

The majority of the evenings conversation revolved around what I will call "community discussion". Each of us shared our own insights, thoughts and at times even frustrations with our current culture of friendship/ relationship/ community. People have a strong desire for community and it seems like I was not the only one who felt an immense lack. I've chalked most of it up to being a newer mother, home remodeling hell, and a host of other issues I have that are unique to my situation; but this made me realize that most people are not connecting with others in consistent and meaningful ways.

Perhaps this is a huge part of the problem. Have we as Americans become so busy and so tied to a sense of community through our technology that we have lost our ability to truly relate, share ideas, converse, disagree, and respectfully consider others? Could a greater focus on community be part of the solution? I hope to find out as we embark on more of these dinners in the New Year.